For the most part, Brendon is a happy laid back kid. He plays and entertains himself all over the house, dragging out his toys and playing everywhere. He plays outside in his safe area, swinging, playing in his sandbox, and talking in his own language to all the trees and leaves. However, as he gets older, any deviation in routine, refusal to let him do something he wants, or the attempt to get him to do anything longer than he wants to leads to meltdowns that can easily consume the rest of his and my day.
This meltdown stuff is getting worse. The other day, we were working in the yard and he was playing with the garden hose. Anytime he gets really dirty outside, he immediately thinks he needs to go straight in and take a bath. Halfway through the job I was doing, he came, took me by the hand, and led me into the house. He went straight to the bathtub and started taking his shirt and pants off. I could see he was muddy and was wanting to splash and play in the tub for awhile, but I really needed to finish what I was doing outside first. "In a minute." I told him, trying to lead him back outside. He wasn't happy, but I only needed about ten more minutes and I would be finished.
This all led to him getting more and more upset a he kept trying to pull me back into the house and to the tub. Eventually it became impossible to finish cleaning the yard with a child who weighs seventy five pounds pulling on me as hard as he could and crying. When pulling didn't work, he started slamming into me, then he reached the point of no return, where nothing I do can stop him. He's like a runaway train and goes to another place in his mind, where all hope is lost, and I can't get through to him anymore.
These times used to be few and far between and just ignoring him and letting him calm himself down seemed to work best, but lately he seems to keep escalating to the point where he's rocking, crying, and hitting himself as hard as he can, over and over again. It's getting scary. He's only five and I can't help but wonder what it will be like when he's ten or a teenager. What will I do? How will I physically handle him and keep him and everyone else safe? The possibilities make me so sad. At these times I feel so helpless.
Right now, the best thing seems to be to turn on a fan (he likes the sound), put him in his bed, cover him with a heavy blanket, and sit beside him without touching him. Sometimes it takes a couple of hours for him to work through it and get control of himself again, so everything comes to a stop where I'm concerned, for awhile. Seeing him so miserable is heartbreaking. At these moments I'm scared of what the autism is doing to him. It's taking the happy boy I know and making him so miserable and unhappy that he seems to be trying to beat it out of himself. I stay close, pray for him, and let him know I care, but not being able to stop it and save him from these meltdowns is excruciating.
